Fat people should stop being fat. Right? Well, I’m the first to admit that there is nothing fun about being fat! My joints hurt. I worry about every aspect of my day. I’m daunted by staircases. Any warm temperature warrants near nudity. Clothes shopping is a stress level unto itself. And tying shoes has given over to velcro.
But I think a more difficult aspect of being fat is also being a social pariah – subject to all kinds of cruelty. I had an angry driver pull alongside me once and shout, “Get your fat-ass out of the way!” A parent of one of my students suggested, “Get your fat ass out of the chair and help my daughter.” (a girl, by the way, I went out of my way for). My ex-husband yelled, “You care more about a cheese-burger than you do this marriage.” (did he think this was going to help in any way? and I don’t even eat cheese) I’ve even had a grocery cashier hold up an item to say, “Did you notice there’s a low-calorie version of this?” Sadly, these are not unusual examples. I worry about it every time I go out the door.
People behave as if I don’t know I’m overweight. I wonder if they think I will suddenly “realize” I’m fat, and rush out to sign up for a weight loss plan? I’ve often said if being mean to me about being fat would result in weight loss, I’d be a skinny in no time. Perhaps the “un-fat” need to put themselves in my place? Imagine what it feels like to have everyone judge you for your body, and then blurt it out in some mean-spirited rant. What is the hoped-for outcome, I wonder? I know when admonitions come from family or my doctor they aren’t talking about how I look, they are talking about my health. Regardless, I am reminded of all the future moments when my own body image will be shaped by the reflection in other’s eyes. It’s not like I haven’t noticed, over the past 25 years, that I’ve gotten fat! It does not come at a surprise and only bolsters my “I hate how I look” psyche. It’s clearly an issue for me as I’ve dedicated more than one blog to this topic
Just a reminder to anyone who hasn’t heard: body shaming does not work! If anything, it makes things worse – you feel bad so you just want to go eat something (comfort food issues)! It’s as though weighing in (ha ha) on a fat person’s plumpness is some form of intervention to encourage “good choices” for someone who could not otherwise make them on their own. I have a friend whose daughter always says she’s been on a diet since she was 9. That’s 29 years of guilt-by-obesity. Her parents are both tall and thin, and have a limited understanding of why she can’t “do something about it.” They give her diet tips, and weight-loss studies, tell her she’s wearing clothes that aren’t attractive for “a girl her size,” and constantly remind her of the health risks of being obese. But more than that, they’ve made her “feel bad” about being fat nearly every day of her life for 38 years. Think on that.