After my morning swim, I gather with the “coffee folk” for some social time with a very fun group of seniors. I’m not a coffee drinker, but I often sit back and take a moment to enjoy the vivid conversations, funny arguments, and smiling faces. It’s a happy, safe, and comfortable place to just “be.” And none of these people feels like strangers, though we started that way.
Don’t know why I shared that, except that I’m struggling to stay on track with this plan of mine. My time at the pool is really important to me, both in terms of exercise and a social boost. When we first moved to Denver, finding a new pool was a tough one – but now I feel at home there. One of my biggest hurdles in life has always been to step out of one thing and into another. I am a true creature of habit. Not that I’m afraid to try new things or lack courage, but I sometimes just get bogged down. And interestingly, that has gotten worse as I’ve gotten heavier. Being fat took away a lot of my confidence and worth. Now I’m really trying to step out of the bog – to align my heart and mind with my body. But I seem to fall back into old habits pretty easily. Not that I’m eating horribly, nor have I gained back very much. But I HAVE gained – and that’s the antithesis of what I want to be doing.
I have the right idea in my head. I make good plans. I just don’t seem to be executing as I should! My worry level is at an all-time high about getting myself ready for our big trip. You may be wondering, what is this about, and why am I going on? The truth – despite all of my positive self-talk, I’m not getting the weight off. And I’m incredibly disappointed in myself. And going on about it? I feel that I need to re-acquaint myself with the positive sacrifices, my own worth, and my own happiness. I absolutely must stand up, arms wide, and embrace the freedom to let go of those unhealthy constructs – those habits I instantly fall back on – and get back on the success track.
It’s time to surround myself with all the tools to be a better me, rather than accepting this version. I think of this as cleaning house. Not my literal house, but my … “house.” What things have I allowed to overstay? Do I have all the supplies I need? Is everything is it’s place? Food is a relationship – time to start letting go of relationships that do not serve my purpose, relationships I’ve invested far too much in with no positive returns, and invite the right ones in! So I’m stepping out of the bog, and I’m going to allow myself to the freedom to be the “me” I deserve to be.
My task for today – go back over all the menus.
My task for tomorrow – go to the pool, add 100 steps to my day, stay exactly on the eating plan, drink adequate water, and check that I’m ready for the next day.