I don’t know how the days go by and I don’t manage to blog. It’s not like I’m THAT busy. I’m retired! I’m sort-of retired. I’m really just tired.
When I started the blog, I vowed to be honest to myself (and anyone following along) about this weight-loss journey and all it entails. But truly, being honest is not easy. Sometimes, as I’m writing, the raw emotions of this experience begin to surface, and I’m a little embarrassed by it. I had something of an emotional crisis today coming home from the pool. The pool was fine, although I had a lot of pain. But I think the fact is when I’m hurting and not feeling very successful, I also start to feel defeated. Full disclosure … weeping followed. Then I’m mad that I’m feeling sorry for myself, and mad at myself for eating “off plan,” and wondering if I’m ever going to manage this … welcome to my circle.
The obvious fact is that I’m really trying to do the best thing for me – for my future. Trying to improve my health. Trying to change the part of my life that is food and activity. I guess any fat person who has tried knows how hard this is. But I’m not sure I really understood it. The enthusiasm at the start gradually wears into the reality of so many pounds left to lose. And the challenge of sticking with it. I’m not quitting, but today … I’m just feeling bad.
Okay … that’s that.