Have I mentioned … in my head, I still blog every day? I think about what I want to talk about that day … and for some reason I never get it down in print. I’m not even sure why. I’m on the computer a lot during the day. I suppose some part of it is just feeling a bit of failure over the past two weeks and not quite knowing how to deal with that.
Putting it all on the table – I feel a great deal of guilt for not behaving myself. I know in my last blog I said I wasn’t going to apologize, but truth be told, it’s hard not to say something. Because I DO feel sorry, and guilty, and just a little bit sad. Okay, more than a little bit. I’ve shed tears, gone through my list of blaming, and wished I could be anything but fat. Unfortunately, that doesn’t actually help.
I guess all I can say is that I have to figure out how to find that renewed sense of direction that kept going in the first months of my plan. A friend told me I need to just forgive myself and move on. So much easier said, than done. What failures are my daemons? I didn’t make myself go to the 20th street pool. I snacked outside the plan. I ate several meals outside the plan. I had a really hard time with the “easy” exercise bands (more tears). I only made my step goal one time this week. And I don’t think I even managed my water intake on several days
I went ahead and weighed this morning, and was sad to find I went back to the threes – 300, to be exact (yes, more tears). Good grief. But I started my morning on track and I’ve given myself a short list of “to-dos” for today.
#1 – stick to the menu, no compromising.
#2 – take steps very time the FitBit beeps (the length of the condo x4).
#3 – keep track of water, and a glass at the ready.
#4 – take my vitamins.
I’m going to try and do the same each day this week. Some days will be repeats, but some days need extra boosts. And hopefully I’ll get back on track. Reading over the plan, I was reminded of how important it is to track successes in more than just the number of pounds.