If you’re a Beatles fan, you probably started singing the title of today’s blog.
The long and winding road … that leads, to your door
Will never disappear, I’ve seen that road before
It always leads me here, lead me to your door
The wild and windy night, that the rain, washed away
Has left a pool of tears, crying for the day
Why leave me standing here, let me know the way
Many times I’ve been alone, and many times I’ve cried
Any way you’ll never know, the many ways I’ve tried
And still they lead me back, to the long winding road
You left me standing here a long long time ago
Don’t leave me waiting here, lead me to your door
But still they lead me back to the long winding road
You left me standing here, a long long time ago
Don’t keep me waiting here (Don’t keep me wait), lead me to your door
Side note: I love the Beatles.
And back to the blog … I visited with a life-long friend yesterday about the challenge of losing a large amount of weight and facing the fact that it will take so much time. It is a long and winding road … with speed bumps, and potholes. I understand why people grab for quick weight loss. The ads that flash “drop 14 pounds in 2 weeks,” or “the first five lbs. in seven days.” I think every program out there talks about a time-line and how quickly you can be thinner. Use this pill, or that drink … all touting pounds off fast.
But that’s not the reality, is it? And that’s also the reason so many people fail. There is much more to this than eating, which is what a lot of people assume – that you just eat too much. I’m pretty certain that genetics pre-dispose us for body size and weight. And then there’s just life … and the ability (or inability) to control things, or everything, in my case. Because, yes, I am a control freak. So one would think I could control this, too, right? But no, not so much. Studies show that anxiety and worry are the two worst emotional stressors that affect a person’s desire to eat. And that can go both ways – stress eating or stress starving. Unfortunately … I’m a stress eater.
It was also a long road that got me to this place, and now that I’m at the obese stage it’s also hard to imagine that I can really be anything else. For a long time, I kept crates of clothes, all carefully marked by size. Because, in my mind, I thought I’d drop those pounds and be back into those clothes. Then somewhere along the line, I got rid of the smaller things. Each successive cleaning, that “smaller things” number increased. Now I have a few items that spread over about three size changes. I came to a point where I didn’t really believe I could get thin again. Oh, I have great hopes, and I think all of the time about the opportunity to buy smaller clothes, or not have to worry about the size of a chair … so many things.
This is my “looking forward to it” list:
- shopping in regular sizes
- not worrying about booths in a restaurant
- not worrying about venue seating
- walking places
- not worry about parking
- not feeling embarrassed about my size
- being able to sit in furniture without worry
And my “I’m getting there” list:
- space between my tummy and the steering wheel is increasing
- my clothes are looser
- I’m wearing things I couldn’t get into a year ago
- not using a cane much
- walking better and for longer distances
Reading back over this I sound a little like I’m giving up. And I’m not it. But I think about these things. Okay, I think about everything – I have an overactive brain. I just have to keep believing that I can do it this time. Lose the weight and keep it off.