Day 64 – Fat Shaming

Do I love who I am? I’m always reading about being positive about who you are … but not settling, if you’re not happy. While I was traveling (wifi on the plane, woo hoo) I stumbled on to a “Love Who You Are” website. It was written by a woman who said, “I’m full-figured and proud of it!” Her tag line was a modified, “ Big is Beautiful,” and mostly concentrated on a litany of statements focused on being healthy and happy as a big person.

Our politically correct world is always chiming in on body acceptance, fat-shaming, and offering opinions about what an attractive body should look like. There’s a lot of fat people conversation, including the recent controversy surrounding “fatpeoplehate” on Reddit. I’ve experienced plenty of fat hate, including on my recent trip to DC … a wheelchair attendant “trading” me for a smaller person, sitting next to a person who was incredibly rude because my arm was touching hers, and of course the judgmental stares when I have to use a seatbelt extension, or can’t get up from my seat easily.

I’ve mentioned in an earlier post, that I’m pretty sure I thought poorly of fat people when I wasn’t one. Considering my current physique and situation, it’s embarrassing to admit that I probably contributed to this problem without even realizing. But the truth is, regardless of how you look or how you want to look, there will always be detractors letting you know you should look different. I’m never sure if people just want to make you feel badly, or make themselves feel better. I was on a Facebook posting recently, where a friend of mine has been posting her substantial amount of pounds gone on a weight loss program. She has posted many pictures throughout her weight loss. Her before and after photos demonstrate an incredible transformation through a 125 lb drop in weight. But a quick trip to her comments section reveals some surprising remarks, not always positive. Some people even criticized her for posing too “sexily” for her weight loss photos. It was weird and made me sad for her. But she responded pretty casually about how she was “happy and healthy, and thanks for the input.” I admire her for that. And maybe if I ever get thin, I’ll have a thicker skin, too.

What I can’t figure out is why people want to let others know their opinions about their weight. Or maybe I should say their judgment about it. I think some of her comments where from random internet trolls, but there were even some from her own family and friends, and they weren’t all supportive. When this is just celebrating something really important to her, the unkind remarks are ridiculous. It needs to stop, but it won’t. So why am I going on? Because real women have curves, or they’re skinny, or they’re big, or they’re tall, or they’re short. And I’m really tired of feeling bad about my size. Who gets to determine what I should look like and whether I should lose weight? Only ME! You all know I DO want to be thinner … for all the reasons I’ve listed any number of times. But I don’t want to feel bad about it. And that’s the hard part. I tend to use negative self-talk when I’m struggling. It’s kind of a form of self-shaming. That’s obviously not emotionally healthy for me.

People fat-shame, never knowing how hard I’m working to take off weight; not knowing that I am on my 117 lb journey, and working daily to improve myself. When it comes to our genetics, we play the cards we are dealt, however random that might be. But it’s 100% up to me to play the game how I see fit. The truth is, being fat is harmful. And it’s brutal to say out loud, but I know I’m unhealthy, and have been eating myself to an early grave. So, back to the plan I go … with a vengeance … working toward a healthier existence! As Dr. Phil says, “accept personal responsibility.” I’m working to get better, my goals are mine, I own my mistakes, no more self-shaming, and getting fit matters! As I said, I have a responsibility to live my life as best I can, challenge myself to be better, and take action to improve my life!

This post is a bit rambling … sorry … tired.