Day 22 – Frenemies with Food

Log: Day 22

Feeling: a little disappointed

It’s the weigh-in day. Sigh. Only down .8 lbs. Not a good week. My lesson for this week? Too many meals out. Delicious though they may be, it is not the path to weight loss. I guess any loss is better than a gain, but still not a happy day. Remember the goal … 2 lbs each week …

Familiar with the term “falling off the wagon?” Used when people are trying to do something like quit drinking, or stop smoking, or in my case lose weight – and they fail. This may imply one instance of failure, or a complete meltdown. But the fact is, the only time a person ever “falls off the wagon” is when they’re on one – and that’s a good thing! I think anyone who is trying to lose weight has rules or beliefs about food that determine how they feel about themselves. “I was so good with my diet yesterday, but today, not so much.” Probably sounds familiar to anyone who has been on a diet. When I go to my “not so much” place in a big way, I do “fall off the wagon.” A full bag of Doritos type of fall! But in my diet realm, the falls are shorter – and sometimes less easy to recognize until I’ve passed the point of no return. Example? Too many little “add-ons,” when I say to myself, “it’s only ONE cookie,” or “a few extra won’t hurt.”

This is the crux of my love-hate relationship with food. So, I want to make peace with food. I want to stop shame-eating cookies or chips. I ask myself, what’s causing this? Why am I judging myself with food? The “not okay” line is not imaginary in my diet plan. It’s pretty clear what I’m supposed to eat and what I’m not. I guess I’m feeling disappointed today, and that’s hard to balance out with the positives. I promised I’ll stay the course and look to the positive outcomes. But in the day-to-day, that’s easier said than done, because as long as there’s a wagon to fall off of, I know I WILL fall off occasionally. So really, “falling off” is not my problem. The wagon is my problem.

Okay, you’re asking yourself, “what is she talking about.” The wagon = diet. And that’s the whole point of this, right? Perhaps the wagon is really my attitude, not the diet itself. And maybe that’s really what it comes down to. I DO want to control my weight, I DO want to control the triggers that cause stray or binge eating. And I have a choice … a choice to get thin. Right? I read, recently, that complaining causes your brain to rewire towards negativity. Or was that a Facebook meme? Oh well, either way, it’s probably true to some extent.

I think I have too many mantras right now, but one probably needs to me “my weight does not control me, I control my weight.” Just a reminder to myself that this diet works, that I don’t have to judge myself by every bit of food, that I don’t have to obsess about food, that I have choices … and that I just need to follow the plan! I have the power to show food who is boss. Food is a friend, but not a crutch, and I can still enjoy food, just not wallow in it! And that’s it for today . . .

Menu Day 22